The Tipping Point

Tipping culture has gone from earned to entitled- this is how we balance the scales

Image of a statute- the scales of justice.

As he went to the desk to pay his medical bill, he was asked if he’d like to leave a tip. … for his doctor! This was for services rendered and paid for by both the patient and the insurance company.

There’s a tipping jar everywhere, these days. This incident didn’t just tip the scales of gratuity, it broke them.

Tipping in the Past

Growing up, I was taught to

· Tip 50% to anyone who serves you breakfast (when it was the least expensive thing on the menu).

· Tip more to single moms and senior citizen servers.

· leave a generous tip if you use the table for more than an hour (especially to sit at and work), or if you occupy it during a busy holiday, or if you’re in a large group (now most places automatically add 10%-15% tip to groups over 10).

· Tip for good service.

· Tip if you have food allergies and special dietary considerations that require the server to go above and beyond the call of duty to keep you or your child alive and well. It is, after all, called a “service industry.”

The Politics of Tipping

As a teen and in my 20s I worked in food service while pursuing my career as a performing artist and writer. I lived off my tips in those early days. They’re what carried me from paycheck to paycheck. Many employers don’t pay high enough wages or offer enough hours to their employees to qualify for full-time benefits like health insurance. That expense gets transferred to the consumer.

It’s hard to justify working in a service industry if you can’t get tips. Whenever taxing tips made it on a ballot, I voted against it so that waitstaff would get to keep 100% of their tips. In other words, I’ve spent my life believing in supporting the good people who work hard and need tips to supplement their income.

Insert the sound of the record scratch. Times, oh how they have changed.

Record with the player needle hovering.

It used to be my policy to over-tip actual servers versus under-tip; that’s no longer an economic option. Today, we are being asked to tip someone else for doing the work ourselves for products and services that are already over-priced.

Tipping in the Present

Today, with the increasing high cost of living, the pressure to tip 20% or more can make the difference between whether it’s possible to eat out as a family, or not. On top of that, the quality of the food and the service have decreased at a time when the expectation to tip more has increased.

In America, more and more restaurants today require that you order at a counter, come and get your food when your number is called, then bus your own table when you’re done and they have the nerve to ask you to choose a “tipping option” of 10%, 20%, or 30% when you pay. Under these circumstances, I’d like to suggest they add an option on the screen that reads “Hell No!” As a “tipping option.” What are we tipping them for if we are doing all the work?

The Boy Who Pissed Me Off and Tipped My Tipping Scales

Last summer, I was standing in line at such a place when I witnessed a teenage boy probably 17-19, definitely old enough to know better, who was working behind the counter. He asked the woman in front of me who was ordering food if she’d like to add a tip to her order, and she did. She later told me that she felt put on the spot and embarrassed so she added a tip out of social pressure.

After her food came, she asked that teen if he could please bring her some ketchup and this meat robot said to her, “It’s self-service.” and started to walk away.

I jumped out of my seat so fast the plastic chair on the outdoor patio fell out underneath me. “Hey!” I shouted at him.

He turned around.

“She asked you for some ketchup, after you asked her for a tip, and you have the audacity to tell her it’s self-service? What the hell do you think you’re being tipped for?”

“He looked at me askance and said, “What’s au-da-city?”

I told him to look it up on the phone that’s glued to his hand on his way to get this woman some ketchup and finished by snapping in exhausted frustration, “That’s your tip for the day.”

It Takes a Village

We can’t be the respect/culture/manners police 24/7 but it’s our job to not let it slide and speak up here and there, now and then, to co-create the world we want to live in. Believe me, I’ve never seen a generation more in need of community guidance than whatever generation this kid is in- or maybe it was where he was raised, in the entitlement of a Southern California coastal community. Sometimes the offspring of the wealthy are not taught the true meaning of gratuity: to be thankful, to be gracious to give back.

If you’re saying to yourself, “I could never be so bold” just remember…

These are the numbskulls (and I mean that quite literally) who will be taking care of us in our old age- if we don’t teach them a little courtesy and consideration now, we’re going to suffer the consequences later.

The woman thanked me for speaking up for her and said, “I was too afraid that he’d spit in my food if I said something like that to him.”

I replied, “That kid doesn’t cook the food, plate the food, or clean up the food. His only job is to take money at the cash register, bag to-go orders, and have the nerve to ask to be tipped. That’s why he had time to meander on his phone.”

There was a teen boy who was drowning off our local pier and my family and I stepped in to save him (who knows it could have been this exact same boy as it’s the same neighborhood). If I allowed the fear of teenage retaliation to sway me for speaking up when no one asked me to, then I’d have a dead teen on my hands.

If I allowed the fear of a parent retaliating against me because I stepped into a situation where parenting was required and when they could not or would not- there’d be a little boy in this world with one less foot. (You can read both those stories here.)

We absolutely must speak up and guide these kids who were raised by devices with screens by parents who were distracted by devices with screens and during a pandemic that robbed an entire generation of teenagers the sense of community and what it means to consider the needs of others.

The woman nodded in a way that made it clear she would continue to stay silent because she, like far too many complicit people in the world, fear confrontation because they conflate it with conflict. Speaking up doesn’t always lead to conflict, in fact, in my personal experience, it most often leads to growth and connection. We must be bold enough to speak up not just when something is wrong, but also when something is right. The flip side of the coin of correction is praise and we need to offer both, more often, to create a caring community.

Encouragement

My daughter and I were walking on that same pier one morning, when they were having try-outs for new lifeguards. They divided those who were auditioning for the job into boys versus girls and pit them against each other. Neither side could see the other as the boys were on the north side of the pier and the girls were on the south side. All the rest of the lifeguards were on the north side cheering the boys so my daughter and I took it upon ourselves to cheer for the girls. The boys, in their Dunning-Kruger over confidence- were paddling on their boards too hard, too fast and we knew they would exhaust themselves before the girls who were doing even strokes, using breathing techniques to stay relaxed, focused and smiling whenever we shouted, “You’re ahead! You’re doing great! You can win this!”

In the end, it was neck and neck as the boys had more physical strength but the girls had more endurance, and endurance is what crossed the finish line first. When the girls won, we were cheering so loud for them that other people on the pier joined us. All the other lifeguards left the boys side, came to congratulate the girls and everyone waved at us and shouted, “Thank You!”

We all mama and papa the world through words of encouragement to those around us doing their best, and offer words of wisdom to those doing their least.

The Future

Tipping culture has lost it’s grip on reality. Servers deserve to be paid more… by their employers, not their customers (many of whom are struggling financially as much as they are). The next iteration of American tipping, may be using the European model of not tipping.

When we headed to Europe for an Artists and Writer’s Residency in 2024, our American friends told us to leave a euro or two after every meal. We learned that’s what’s called a “tourist tip” which was only accepted or mildly expected in high tourist trafficked areas. Once we delved deeper into each country, away from tourist traps, it was actually considered rude to tip. In the rural areas of Italy, and some suburbs in England, our tips were actually refused.

Unlike American counterparts, servers in other countries are often paid a living wage and find it insulting when you tip them. It also adds pressure to the locals to tip when many cannot afford that lifestyle option in their country’s economy, thereby putting their entire community at a disadvantage.

The last thing you want to do as an American visiting another country is price its citizens out of the lifestyle that attracted you there in the first place.

Conclusion

Tipping has its place and its place is in America in the aforementioned bullet points. Anyone who tips out of obligatory expectation for a service not rendered is making it harder for everyone else who can’t afford to do so. Tipping people for making you do the work yourself, is also giving the wrong message to the current generation who will be our generation’s caregivers.

Remember the Stephen Sondheim lyrics from Children Will Listen, “Careful the things you do, children will see and do.” We teach people how to treat us by how we allow ourselves to be treated. Instead of participating in standards we didn’t create from a place of peer pressure, we can simply say, “I tip based on service, not self-service.” KIIS (Keep It Simple Sweetheart).

How My Tipping Habits Have Changed

I’ve chosen to live a simple life to support my ability to continue to survive a medical diagnosis that hovers over me like a bureaucratic bully- reminding me, like death and taxes, that it’s something I can’t ignore. That means that I do not have a budget for tipping at this time, therefore, in general, I no longer go to places that expect tips, out of respect to the server and myself.

Most of us are trying to live within (or in my case, below) our means to survive. I can’t be the only one whose had to make the choice to not frequent places that expect tips. Yet, I’m also in need of community more than ever and frequenting local cafes, pubs, or eateries is a big part of communal living.

In February of 2026, I moved to Europe, where thankfully, tipping is not expected and 10% is acceptable when it is. My desire as a global nomad is not to become a social recluse, but to expand the global community I’m already a part of and deepen the connections I make by being present and contributing to every community I live in.

Please let me know in the comments, what your practices are around tipping.

After I witnessed an unknown poet have her work usurped, I was given the legal advice to place the following © date and statement on all my work: This concept/theory/poem is original to Sage Justice. If you use it, please give credit and link to original work. Thank you. www.SageWords.org © July 7, 2026.

Sage Justice is an award-winning poet, author, critically acclaimed performing artist, and intensely sincere, bold humanitarian activist.

I’ve been working over a year on gathering research for some solution-based journalistic pieces coming soon that I think you may be interested in:

1. What you most need to know about A.I. in this moment of now

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3. How Substack writers are supporting plagiarism.

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