Why You Can’t Treat Your Children Equally

My Father-in-Law told me …

Photo description: A series of four brightly colored images with three children in each who are trying to view a ball game. The images illustrate the differences between reality (one child has more boxes than they need, another has just one, and the third has none), equality (each child has one box to stand on which is unnecessary for one, just enough for another and not enough for one), equity (the child who doesn’t need a box doesn’t have one, the child who needs one box has one and the child who needs two boxes has two), and liberation (no boxes are necessary because the fence has been removed).

There’s something my father-in-law said that’s always stuck with me, “You can’t treat your children equally because they don’t have equal needs.” He went on to clarify that he loved all his children equally but what he gave to each child in time or money could not be equal.

It’s true.

A man who was like a father to me explained that his youngest son was very financially successful, which meant he worked so much out of town that he needed a great deal of help from family in raising his children. This grown child of his, needed the most physical presence from his parents, and their physical presence is what he received.

The middle child had no family of her own and her needs were more energetic and spiritual in nature, requiring companionship from her parents more than anything else. This grown child needed the most emotional support from her parents, and emotional support is what she received.

The eldest child had a family of his own but great financial hardship, as a result of illness and a series of extraordinary, unfortunate experiences. This grown child needed the most money from his parents, and their money is what he received.

Had these parents given of themselves equally to all children physically, emotionally, and financially, then none of their children would have their needs met.

Equality starts with equity.

Until we can cater to each person’s individual needs through the act of equity, we cannot offer true equality. Simply dividing everything equally amongst unequal people will provide some with an excess of that which they do not need, while depriving others of a necessity that they do need.

©Sage Justice April 26, 2025 This concept/theory/poem is original to Sage Justice. If you use it, please give credit and link to original work. Thank you.

Description for the visually impaired-Photo of Sage Justice, wearing poet’s black, eye glasses, facing the camera, resting her chin on her hand, while sitting outside near a patch of lavender in France, at the Writers and Artists-in-Residence at Chateau d’Orquevaux. Photo of Sage Justice by Margot Hartford at MargotHartford.com IG @MargotHatfordArt

Sage Justice is an award-winning playwright, poet, author, critically acclaimed performing artist, and intensely sincere, bold humanitarian activist.¹

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